God works in mysterious ways.
I’ve heard this many times over the years and I do believe it to be true. I sometimes struggle with everything happening for a reason, but I accept it to be God’s will and that we are a part of a bigger plan. He gave us freedom of choice and so enters the grey area where things can get complicated. There aren’t many things I wish I could do again but I struggle with a few situations I wish I could have done differently. Regret is hard. Letting go of the past choices of things we did or did not do is always a challenge. Forgiveness is something we need to do often and it’s so important to start first by forgiving ourselves. Most people could find one or two things that they would have done differently in their lives. We are told to let them go. We should not live in the past and it’s true, we really can’t change it anyway.
I, like many, have sadly had family relatives and friends that have been taken way too soon or been injured traumatically. Along with illnesses, addictions and cancers that family and friends have to live with every day. I wish it wasn’t that way. I wish I could take it all away. I wish I knew why these things happen and I wish that I could have somehow have stopped some of these things from happening in the first place.
Few situations haunt me more than the challenges that have come along with some of these trials. Especially in dealing with loved one’s addictions. I have learned to let them go but once in a while they sneak back into my mind through some tiny crack. I have no idea how I could have prevented some of the challenges that occurred but for some reason I find I’m often blaming myself for them even happening. It’s a go to feeling of taking on guilt, an emotional mechanism of mine that I cling to. Feeling guilty for actions that occurred that I had no control over. I occasionally think, if I only said something sooner, maybe he could have gotten help. Maybe he could have gone into a rehab, and maybe he would have listened if it came from me. I take on the guilt and pain that occurred as if I were the one who pulled the trigger or maybe just caused the mess. I know on the surface that it is not true. I do know better. No matter what I could have said or done, unless it came from the person at hand, no change would ever come forth. They were the ones who needed to take action and get help. Until it comes from them inside, they wouldn’t truly change anyway, not until they’re ready.
So why do I torture myself. Just lucky I guess. I have to remind myself to let go again and again, just for today. Just for today, I’m going to let these things slide. Just for today, I’m going to let myself off the hook. Just for today, Im going to enjoy my life right where I am. Just for today, I’m going to forgive myself. That’s all we need to do today. I believe that maybe that’s mostly the point of God’s plan. Living just for today, putting him first. So I invite him into my life daily by saying a few simple words, “God let your will be done”. I can only hope to come through in my actions and words to others. Living not from the past or even to what lies ahead but living for today. Taking one day at a time, letting go of regret. So as we come to a close on this lenten season, a time to “give things up”. I like to think that I will be “giving up” regret. I will put God first and let go of the past and hopefully long after the lenten season ends. After all, we are just human.