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Fighting Depression

(written with an inside view for my loving family and friends)

The darkness fails lightly around me at first
Unwelcome, settling into my skin
Everything near and dear to me feels somehow distant
It creeps in slowly, shutting down one corridor at a time
The levels of my despair feel cold and lonely
Fighting through I give it a shot of yoga and some mediation
Reading a few books and even try eating healthier meals
But to no avail
Taking a visit to my psychiatrist and psychologist
Reaching out for help, the way it desires me not too
This too is not enough
Next up, the changing of the medications
Adding in something new and promising
Longing for it to work
But these things take time
There are no quick fixes
How I wish there was
In the meantime, I fight on
Trying to chase the endorphins released from an occasional workout
The uppers that everyone talks about
I need them right now
I find some comfort in prayer
But the depths of this disorder has a grip on me that is hard to escape
Pulling me back down when I try to even leave my bed
Clinging to the sheets
I’d rather stay here for a while
Maybe the day, or longer
I want to leave but it’s hard to find the strength
I feel useless and struggle with thoughts that are intensively scary
Scaring me most
I can barely recognize myself
How deeply I would love to just feel normal
It’s been so many days and weeks now
My own image is like a foggy memory I can barely recall
Fog fills my mind like a thick cloud just before it rains
I muster up the energy to put a smile on occasionally
I do get glimpses of light and happiness
But they fad faster then they come
Like a lost dog coming home and running off again
Finally, the break of dawn
A day comes that doesn’t feel as bad as the one before
I know I’m on the up swing but I still have a long road
I have to climb back out from this hole that has been dug
I have a long way back up
So I wont shoot off the fireworks just yet
But it is nice to feel again
Not even feelings of overwhelming joy
Just the peacefulness of not feeling strapped down, drawing in sorrows
The calm after the storm
I will make it through
Till we meet again

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4 Comments

  1. Jenifer
    June 18, 2016

    Wow…amazing! You are so talented.

    Reply
    • admin
      June 18, 2016

      Thank you Jenifer!

      Reply
  2. Irma
    June 18, 2016

    “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be , ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller

    Reply
    • admin
      June 18, 2016

      Thank you Irma, such an inspiring reflection!! xo

      Reply

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